Feature: Things watch snobs say
You’ve heard them before. The watch snobs. Perhaps you are one? I know I am! These are some of things they—sorry, we—say. See if any of them are familiar to you. The last one you’re definitely guilty of!
“Tudor is the poor man’s Rolex”
I’ve heard this one so many times. Not always phrased exactly like that, but close enough to know that that’s the intent. “Don’t you wish you had a Rolex instead?” “Aren’t you worried people will think it’s a Rolex?” That kind of stuff. With that kind of snobbery, I’m more concerned that people DO think it’s a Rolex! Tudor is a fantastic brand in its own right, doing what Rolex once did fifty years ago, making simple, effective watches. I can get why they might not be for some, but to write them off as an inferior product? That doesn’t fly with me.
“Quartz watches are terrible”
It’s an instinct we all feel when we first discover mechanical watches, because of course mechanical watches are really cool. The way the springs and gears all work together to create such precise uniformity is incredibly impressive. By contrast, it seems the cold, technological approach of quartz is devoid of enjoyment, but that’s just not true. Incredible watchmakers like Rolex, Patek Philippe and Jaeger-LeCoultre have dipped their toes into quartz watchmaking, and the results are simply stunning.
“Only buy Swiss watches”
It’s become the hallmark of the luxury watch, a simple pair of words: “Swiss Made.” It’s the flagship nation of watchmaking, a reputation earnt over centuries of expert craft. It’s not the only place in the world that’s good at doing it, though. In fact, you would imagine that other nations like Japan and Germany, with their fastidious approach to everything, would be even better suited. And they are. Turn your attention to greats like Grand Seiko and A. Lange & Sohne and you’ll soon see there’s a whole lot more to watchmaking than Switzerland.
“Watches shouldn’t have diamonds”
Admit it. We’ve all turned our noses up at a watch that’s more diamond than timekeeper. And it’s fine to have a personal aversion to that kind of decoration. But if someone has a watch and they want to hide it under a blanket of pressed carbon sweepings, that’s their business. After all, it’ll be them that suffers the depreciation and not you. Let them have their fun!
“Cheap watches are a waste of money”
A Swiss watch used to be a Swiss watch before it became a luxury Swiss watch, but it seems this recent history has been forgotten. An affordable watch, Swiss or otherwise, may not able to reach the dizzying heights of perfection an expensive one can, but that doesn’t stop it being something truly enjoyable. Some of the best watches ever made can be purchased for less than $50, and they’ll be found alongside Patek Philippes and Audemars Piguets in people’s collections. What you really have to worry about is when the quality of the cheaper watch starts to catch up with the more expensive ones…
“The movement isn’t in-house”
Back in the early days of pocket watches, many movements were made in-house, because volume was low and precision very poor. In fact, Switzerland’s watch industry started life manufacturing parts for pocket watches in low volume, by hand—and those parts were terrible. But as production improved, volumes went up, and that’s when wristwatches appeared. The need for suppliers became very apparent. And so there would be companies like ETA, Valjoux and Lemania who would make a movement for you. Today, there’s a sense that this is a bad thing, but it’s actually a historical norm. Why not enjoy a more affordable watch with a movement made by the experts?
“Get a watch with better resale”
Ever wondered if you’ve made the right decision buying a watch? Well, you don’t have to, because the snob will be there to let you know anyway. And if you buy a watch because you enjoy it, even if it doesn’t have rock-solid residuals, then prepare to get a ticking off. The snob will instruct you to better spend your money elsewhere, even at the expense of the reason you bought it for in the first place: pleasure. For bonus points if you really want to upset them, buy the watch used as well.
“Smartwatches aren’t real watches”
I’ve heard it a thousand times. A wrist-worn computer is not a proper watch. Isn’t it? Because it’s not a potato! In amongst the many things a smartwatch is capable of, telling the time is one of them. It’s worn on the wrist in the fashion of a wristwatch, too. I’m not sure what other clues are needed to further hint that a smartwatch is indeed a real watch, but if that’s not going to do the trick, nothing will. And besides, you can’t even look at cat videos on your Rolex, so who’s winning now?
“That watch should only be worn on a bracelet”
You know how people who buy dive watches only wear them in the sea? Yes, that’s why the snob will insist that said dive watch must never be worn on a leather strap. Thank you, snob, for looking out for my best interests. I have misjudged you. Said snob may even take this duty of care a step further and insist you wear the diver on its original bracelet or nothing at all. Perhaps you might be at risk using a third-party wrist securing device. It’s this kind of considerate advice that gives the snob their unimpeachable reputation.
“Don’t buy Hublot”
That’s why they’ll tell you. It doesn’t matter how much you like it, how clear you are on the opportunity for better value elsewhere, how affordable it is for you. If you buy it, you will be required to hand in your gun and badge and be dismissed from watch collecting with a dishonourable discharge. I mean … it’s just a watch. If you know what you’re buying and you like it, buy it. We don’t all have the hots for Rolex, and the world would be a pretty dull place if we did.
Those are just some of the things I’ve overheard watch snobs saying. Heard anything else?
