Feature: 5 watches that aren’t as good as they say
There are some people on the internet who might get a little overexcited about watches. I won’t name names. I’m not that kind of person. Instead, why don’t we take a look at five watches that just don’t quite live up to the hype. The last is a bit of a shocker!
Swatch MoonSwatch
Oh, so you think you already know that the MoonSwatch isn’t as good as they say? Think you understand the disappointment people expressed about its quality? For the first watch, this isn’t even a hype watch that people say is great but actually isn’t. It’s a hype watch, yeah, but one people are already saying is not very good. Let me tell you something: it’s worse.
Remember when you were told not to leave the lid off the Playdough? Yeah, because if you don’t it turns into a more robust material than the Bioceramic Swatch uses on the MoonSwatch. Never mind denting it with your fingernail, a few harsh words will do the trick. Even a backhanded compliment will leave a mark.
It’s so bad I don’t know how it’s even been greenlit as a viable product to sell. After five minutes of wearing it under a sleeve, the crystal is scratched up foggier than a Stephen King novel. Let’s not forget that the Neptune dark blue one was leaving skid marks up people’s arm like a dirty Smurf.
And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, they plaster it with a strap straight off a pair of child’s shoes. It’s just as well the watch is as cheap as it is, because I wouldn’t trust that strap with a penny more. I also wouldn’t wear it out in public for fear of people thinking I can’t fasten big boy straps yet.
The really bizarre thing is that despite the watch being worse than worse, despite it being way too expensive—it’s still really enjoyable. Like, in the same way eating terrible fast food is enjoyable. You wouldn’t want to do it every day, but sometimes you’re just in the mood for it. It’s bad—really bad—but sometimes that’s … good.
Tissot PRX Powermatic 80 T137.407.11.041.00
It’s like everyone got together and decided to vote for a watch that best represented the wants and needs, hopes and dreams of the entry level watch buyer, and it was the Tissot PRX that came out on top. It wasn’t a landslide; the Hamilton Khaki Field was right there nipping at its heels, but a loss is a loss and the Hamilton just needs to get over it.
Thing is, the PRX hype train has chugged on through so many stations now that I think the perception of what it really is has got a little out of control. It’s a good watch and has few rivals at its £600 price point for the automatic and £300 for the quartz, but I just want to take a moment to bring prospective buyers back down to Earth on their expectations.
It won’t make a Tudor look try-hard, or embarrass an Oris. It won’t fluster a Farer or humiliate a Hamilton. There’s only so much a big Swiss manufacturer like Tissot can really do. You’ll likely get better quality from smaller brands operating on tighter margins. They don’t have the overheads to pay like Tissot do.
It’s not like there’s anything outright wrong with the PRX. It’s just not as crisp and polished as you might expect given how much love it receives. The adulation is justified in other ways. For offering an affordable quartz version, for example. For being well-proportioned and available in a mix of sizes, too. For having an interesting selection of colours.
A bit like the MoonSwatch—I said a bit like—the PRX wins in ways where finishing and quality don’t compete. What makes it so popular is how flexible and fun it is. So don’t sweat the micro-details. Don’t expect Swiss perfection. That way you’ll enjoy it in exactly the way it was intended.
Rolex Oyster Perpetual 124300
You hear talk about Rolex as though it’s the second coming. Honestly, I think there are people on this Earth who would lay down their life for their Rolex. It’s considered by many to be the absolute peak of luxury watchmaking, and to be fair to them, Rolex tells a pretty compelling story.
It’s like with all things. If you go into it eyes open, Rolex ownership won’t be a surprise. If you go into it eyes completely shut, then you’ll probably be alright too, because there’s nothing to compare it with. If you purchase a Rolex having enjoyed other watches at a similar price point—then you might be wondering what flavour Kool-Aid it is everyone else has been drinking.
The reality of Rolex is that for the most part they are simple, well-engineered watches that carry enormous brand value. Take that money elsewhere and it’ll stretch a lot further. A lot further. If you were to put the five thousand or so an Oyster Perpetual costs into a Dornblüth, for example, you’ll have a watch that makes the Rolex look like a MoonSwatch.
So if you’re somehow coming to Rolex with no previous experience, direct from something like a Jaeger-LeCoultre or a Grand Seiko—or even a Tudor—you’ll probably be surprised at how underwhelming it is. That’s not to say it doesn’t have its benefits. Being the most globally recognised watch brand, the residuals of a Rolex somewhat reset the upfront cost and bring the balance back to where it should be.
Tudor Black Bay Fifty-Eight Blue M79030B-0002
Speaking of Tudor, the Black Bay 58 may offer much of the quality of the equivalent Rolex for a significantly cheaper price, but that doesn’t stop it being a bit of a let-down to experience. There’s a difference here though, because Tudor doesn’t just offer impressive value for money compared to Rolex, but across the price point.
The quality is great, the specification is fantastic, the branding is up there and the design and proportions are spot on. So why would I say that it’s not as good as they say it is? Because saying all those things paints a picture of the Black Bay 58 being a watch that’s going to blow your mind … and it just doesn’t.
Ever heard of something being too perfect? That’s the situation the Black Bay 58 finds itself in. It doesn’t put a foot wrong, but then it doesn’t take any wild risks either. It’s like ordering the same food from the takeout every time. You’re never going to be surprised and you’re always going to have a good time. A meal to remember? When there’s nothing that stands out, that’s just not going to happen.
It took me years to finally buy a Black Bay 58 because I kept being disappointed by it despite how good it was on paper. And that was the realisation, that being a Jack-of-all-trades, it was never going to shine in one particular place. The advantage, though, is that it’ll never let you down in any other, so you can wear it and enjoy it and learn to appreciate its steadfast solidness over time. It’s not going to take you out on a wild ride for a night to remember, but it’ll be there to look after you when you get old and your back’s playing up.
Patek Philippe Nautilus 5711/1A-010
But for me, the watch that had the biggest deficit between hype and reality has to be the Patek Philippe Nautilus 5711. A watch that borrowed a design from a borrowed designer, it has over the last few years become the epitome of desirability, reaching record prices that were just unbelievable.
You can imagine after an age of hearing about these things, how rare and incredible they are, the level of hype I was dialled up to in anticipation of seeing one. So, when that finally, actually happened, I wasn’t just disappointed—I was left a bit confused.
It’s not just that the 5711 is a very different watch to other Patek Philippes, or that I don’t like the style. The Royal Oak from Audemars Piguet has a solidity to it, a jewel-like crispness that feels rare and expensive. It has impossibly sharp edges that miraculously feel smooth to the touch, mirrored surfaces that are flat enough to do science on and an overall gait that screams, “I’m expensive! Look at me!”
The Nautilus, by contrast feels like it’s been left in the washing machine too long. It’s all rounded and soft, without a single element that commits to the aesthetic. Is it round? Is it octagonal? It’s both … and neither. The case and bracelet are broad but feel thin, and not in an elegant way. More like it’s gone through a few rounds with a pasta maker. It has a limpness to it like it’s just given up on life. I keep expecting it to sigh loudly and listen to The Smiths.
Nothing brings this home more than the clasp, a tin plate, cat flap of a thing that hardly feels worthy of such an expensive watch. The whole assembly, including the double deployant wings, for want of a better word, snap together with all the robustness of knockoff Lego. Mark my words—if this watch had any other name but Patek Philippe on it, we wouldn’t pay it a second’s thought.
What’s the watch you think just isn’t as good as everyone makes it out to be?
