Feature: 10 things that TERRIFY watch enthusiasts

There’s so much to love about buying a watch. From the first discovery to the thrill of the chase, to landing it and cherishing it, it’s no wonder more and more people are getting into the game. But it’s not all roses and cherry red sunsets: here are ten things that make a watch enthusiast quake in their boots.

The First Scratch

There’s just a handful of moments that make a man’s little round nurseries retreat to safety: looking over the edge of a tall building, seeing another man get walloped in his, and scratching a new watch for the first time. I’ve been in a motorcycle accident before and I was less nervous about seeing the extent of the damage than I was checking out that first table smack on the edge of my lovely new timekeeper. Weird thing is, it’s only the first that triggers that reaction. By the second one, it’s like you’ve already consigned your life to an onslaught of damage. That is, until the next new watch…

Setting The Date Wrong

It’s like the watch collector version of scary fireside stories: if you set your date wrong three times, the Candyman’s going to come in the middle of the night and magnetise your collection. The dreaded window between 10pm and 4am—a window that gets wider every single time its quoted—may be less and less of a problem with modern built-in protections, but nevertheless it’s just hovering there in the shadows, just waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting victim who’s become complacent. Don’t worry though, because it’s easy enough to avoid. It won’t stop you wincing every time though!

Resale Value

You and I, we’re probably the types that say we don’t buy watches for investment. We buy them to enjoy them! We look down on the speculators and the hypebeasts and we pine for the days when watches were the sole domain of the enthusiast. Yeah, we say that, and we probably believe it too, but there’s always that little corner of our brains that says, “Psst! I wonder how much your watch would be worth if you sold it now?” Then you start thinking about what would happen if you lost your job and the boiler broke and the car exploded and you needed to sell it to make ends meet, and so you check. It’s like ripping off a plaster. Sometimes it’s fine and sometimes it leaves a nasty sting.

Buying A Lemon

In the car scene, buying a bad car is called buying a lemon. This is when a car that outwardly seemed perfectly fine, turns out to be lacking somewhat in the reliability department. Seems pretty harsh on lemons, but that’s how it is. Watches, however, don’t go wrong that often. It can happen, but really the real lemon in the room when you buy a watch isn’t in getting one that’s functionally impotent—more that’s it’s just a bit, well, rubbish. The blow is usually dealt by some kind-hearted—or not—stranger, often on the internet. Perhaps you didn’t do quite enough research. Perhaps your tastes don’t align with everyone else’s. Perhaps there’s a little piece of information that evaded your journey and you’ve ended up landing a 50lb lemon.

Becoming Desensitised

It’s a trait of many a technological hobby, but I’ve never seen it at quite such an extreme as I have with watches. Upon entering the scene, we all have an expectation for how much a watch costs, based perhaps on our experiences with a few Seikos and Casios, and the initial realisation that a “proper”—in quotes—watch costs several thousand is a stark wake-up call. But by the point the bug has bit and with some thinking, some saving and a whole lot of guilt, we make the purchase. Yes! We did it. We’re watch enthusiasts now. But I could be an even better watch enthusiast if I added that other watch to my collection, and it’s only a few thousand more… Before you know it, you’ve become so desensitised to cost you’re looking at watches worth more than your car without a hint of irony. The slope is tall, steep and slippery.

Getting It Wet

So, there you are, your brand new 300m dive watch strapped to your wrist, and the swimming pool awaits. The watch will take it in its stride. It’s so capable it probably won’t even notice. But still, you shy away. What if I don’t know how tight to screw down the crown? What if I forgot to screw it down at all? I checked and I double-checked, but what about next time? What if I become complacent and I jump straight in, crown wide open even though I never unscrew the crown anyway because this is my only watch and I wear it all the time—before you know it, you’re back in the hotel room parking it on the bedside table. Just in case.

Selling Too Soon

The last few years of watch price insanity has taught us a piece of information we probably should have never known: you will always, always sell your watch too soon. You’re not quite feeling it anymore, there’s another you like the look of, but you just know that if you sell it, it’ll be the wrong time. It never really used to be a concern, but now, especially when looking back at a chequered history of bad selling decisions, keeping a watch you don’t want becomes a weirdly real problem. It’s like watch purgatory, a place between two places with the destination unknown. Except you do know. It’s never going to be the good place.

Buying Too Many

What is it the doctors say? Most things are fine if not done to excess. But who decides what excess really is? When does having a varied selection become having an obsession? It’s not something they teach in medical school, and so we watch enthusiasts are left to fend for ourselves. One is fine, sure. One of anything is probably fine. And if you can have one, you can have three, because two is weird, right? And five isn’t much more than three. Ten, that’s the first two-digit number, nice and round with a zero on the end. Perfect. A couple of those will do. It’s like parking tickets. It gets to a certain point where it’s easier to just not think about it.

Not Buying Enough

But if ten is the sweet spot and I only have five, am I even a real collector? Am I just a filthy casual? When I meet other collectors and I’m wearing my one and only watch and they ask what I’m going to wear next time, will I have to hand over my gun and badge when I tell them it’s going to be the same one again? Is that like wearing the same dress to the wedding as the bride? Is that like wearing the same underwear several days in a row? How few is too few?

Actually Liking A Richard Mille

But the biggest fear that faces a watch enthusiast is one that cannot be anticipated. It can strike at any time, be it today, tomorrow, or in fifty years’ time. And it’ll probably happen at a moment when you’re just not prepared for the blow. You’ll be looking a Hublot or a Richard Mille and you’ll think, “I actually quite like that.” The thought will slip out before you have a chance to catch it. You’ll be instantly rendered with shock. Yes, it really happened. You worry if the people around you somehow heard your thought, picked it up from your general aura. You feel dirty, but it’s too late. No amount of scrubbing will make you clean, no matter how hard you try. That’s it. Game over. It happens to all of us.

What scares you the most about buying and collecting watches?